Selling Out or Buying In

As I've stated in an earlier post, within the last couple of months I started a new job. It pays well, it's not very hard, I have good benefits and I even like the people I work with. This is the first job I've had where I'm not treated like a complete child. It's a big company and along with that comes a lot of structure and formalized procedures. And even those things I like. My last job was the exact opposite. It was a small shop and things were made up on the fly. It was nice while it lasted but I was ready for something more solid. I tried for six months to get a new job, and of all the ones I applied for this was the one I wanted most and the only one that got back to me. Everything seems perfect. Still, something doesn't feel right.

One thing keeps coming back to me: the feeling that I've given up. Ever since I was in high school I've been playing music. It started out as my brother and I just horsing around on guitar and drums, but eventually we had a band and were playing local shows on a regular basis. Although that band didn't work out, another band I was in went a little further. We recorded a couple E.P.'s and sold over 4000 copies of them on our own. It felt like we were moving in the right direction but as we got older we started seriously lacking in the funds department. Eventually our guitar player pulled the plug and told us he'd be quitting to join the CHP.

It was a serious blow to the band and while we tried to keep it going for a time, we too eventually moved on. I still play music a little bit and would someday like to get back into the studio. I've even come to the conclusion that I'm happy playing music in any form. I don't need to be famous or live the rockstar life to be happy. I really don't. I like my life right now and I actually have exciting things going on for me at the moment. HOWEVER, I still wonder what could have been if we didn't give up. Is it even fair to call it "giving up"? Did we reach the peak or could it have gotten even better? I guess I'll never really know.

All I can know is what I want to do. I want the best of both worlds. I want to write and perform music but I also want to have a family and a regular life. And maybe now is the best time for that. Everyone knows that the state of the music industry is changing. It's a rare thing for people to become stars and even rarer for them to maintain that stardom. And I don't even want that. All I want is to make music. Weather or not that is my job I can't control right now, but that shouldn't stop me from being creative! I'll keep it going, however indie it has to get. Maybe the next time you hear from me I'll have new music to prove it.

Movie: Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines